Hey world of bloggers and TTC-ers!
I have been struggling a lot lately (read: going completely batsh*t insane) with my whole trying to conceive ‘journey’.
Now, the current level obsession involves a very expensive addiction (I just want to POAS every day) and I thought it it’d be wise to channel that obsession into something a bit more productive. & here we are – I decided that I would write about it, not just to get it all off my chest and therefore siphon off a little of the crazy, but also in the hope that (one day) I will be lucky enough to get my BFP and this will become an inspiring story of hope for others like me!
To kick this party off, I’m going to take you all the way back to the beginning of this adventure.
That’s what it felt like in the first month – an adventure! Exciting! Hopeful! Terrifying! My world was about to be turned upside down, any day now.
Except it wasn’t. And it still hasn’t been, not at any point in the last 9 months, at least. And that has been very… Disheartening. To say the least. But we’ll get to that.
So there I was, 27, newly married to my DH. We had been together for about 5 years when we got married in August of 2014, so he had been right by my side I the early days of my diagnoses (yes, plural – both Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism and PCOS). DH knew that a specialist had once told me to ‘have any kids I wanted before the age of 30’ and so that clock was surely ticking.
Even so, we put it off for the first 11 months of our marriage. I think even though I am a naturally quite negative person, my DH’s optimism had infected me, I was in some kind of bubble – ‘that won’t happen to us, though!’ But eventually we decided that this was it. We were as ready as we could ever be.
We had a holiday booked, our first cruise (spoiler alert: turns out I’m not a huge fan of cruising). So in late June last year (2015) we had our first ‘try.’ Well, our first few in fact. At this point I had been off the pill for about 8 months, and with my PCOS/Hashi’s diagnosis, I was surprised to find that my AF had regulated (thanks Metformin, diet, exercise and of course, thyroxine!)
It still wasn’t exactly like clockwork each month, but it came quickly enough that month, and the next one, that I don’t know if I even had time to POAS! (Note: my OBSESSION with TTC has lead to reading many, many forums and picking up a lot of these abbreviations. I’ll do a post on the meanings of all at some point & always keen to learn any new ones!)
Our ‘baby-macation’ had not worked, and to top it off I felt claustrophobic on the cruise ship, and watching all the parents wandering around with their children I got my first taste of the insane jealousy that would creep up on me so many times in the coming months.
I was disappointed, of course. But hey, it was only early, and I had always expected it would take time. I just had to be patient, and stay positive, right?
Easier said than done.
Let me know in the comments – where did your TTC story begin?
Til next time,