Today I wanted to write about how difficult friendships become when trying to conceive. It’s not just friendships, actually, almost every relationship in my life has been impacted in some way.
Fpr example, the colleagues casually asking ‘so when are you & DH planning to have kids?’ – completely unaware that in doing so they had triggered a completely irrational response from me, ranging from hope, to anger, or even to depression, depending on the day.
Or, my well-meaning mother and mother-in-law constantly telling me stories about how this person they know who has the same condition got pregnant straight away. We haven’t told them that we’re trying, so of course they mean this to give us hope. They don’t realise that we already know we’re not those lucky ones.
Or even an interfering old woman at a wedding we attended recently, who told us ‘you’ll never know joy until you have kids’. My thoughts towards her may have been slightly less than charitable…
My point is, this TTC business can be very isolating. I’m only just reaching out to online communities now, and the support from everyone in this world has been phenomenal.
My best friend, on the other hand, I told straight away. She is incredibly supportive as she knows the difficulties we’ve had. And that was awesome, in the beginning. But now – and I feel like a horrible person for even thinking this, let alone writing it – now comes a day that is both exciting and horrifying to me. My friend has decided to try in the next couple of months.
Which is so, so exciting, and I truly hope she gets pregnant right away with a healthy baby!!
We could be pregnancy buds! It would be amazing. Except, of course, that I am still getting a BFN every month. And the truth is, I just have no idea how I’ll react if she tells me she’s pregnant before I get there myself. I worry, deep down, that I won’t be able to be as fully happy for her as I should be. That thought, of course, makes me feel incredibly guilty.
That’s what I mean when I say this is isolating. Isolating to the point that it feels like I am being cut off from even the one friendship where I can openly discuss this. Because how do you say to a friend, I honestl don’t know if I can be 100% happy for you.
Luckily, my rational brain tells me that I have a pretty amazing friend and if my time doesn’t come soon, I’ll be able to have this conversation with her. Unfortunately with TTC it’s not always my rational brain in charge!!
How have your friendships & relationships been affected by TTC? What steps have you taken to stay connected?
baby dust to all