Friendship and TTC

Hello world!

Today I wanted to write about how difficult friendships become when trying to conceive. It’s not just friendships, actually, almost every relationship in my life has been impacted in some way.

Fpr example, the colleagues casually asking ‘so when are you & DH planning to have kids?’ – completely unaware that in doing so they had triggered a completely irrational response from me, ranging from hope, to anger, or even to depression, depending on the day.

Or, my well-meaning mother and mother-in-law constantly telling me stories about how this person they know who has the same condition got pregnant straight away. We haven’t told them that we’re trying, so of course they mean this to give us hope. They don’t realise that we already know we’re not those lucky ones.

Or even an interfering old woman at a wedding we attended recently, who told us ‘you’ll never know joy until you have kids’.  My thoughts towards her may have been slightly less than charitable…

My point is, this TTC business can be very isolating. I’m only just reaching out to online communities now, and the support from everyone in this world has been phenomenal.

My best friend, on the other hand, I told straight away. She is incredibly supportive as she knows the difficulties we’ve had. And that was awesome, in the beginning. But now – and I feel like a horrible person for even thinking this, let alone writing it – now comes a day that is both exciting and horrifying to me. My friend has decided to try in the next couple of months.

Which is so, so exciting, and I truly hope she gets pregnant right away with a healthy baby!!

We could be pregnancy buds! It would be amazing. Except, of course, that I am still getting a BFN every month. And the truth is, I just have no idea how I’ll react if she tells me she’s pregnant before I get there myself. I worry, deep down, that I won’t be able to be as fully happy for her as I should be. That thought, of course, makes me feel incredibly guilty.

That’s what I mean when I say this is isolating. Isolating to the point that it feels like I am being cut off from even the one friendship where I can openly discuss this.  Because how do you say to a friend, I honestl don’t know if I can be 100% happy for you.

Luckily, my rational brain tells me that I have a pretty amazing friend and if my time doesn’t come soon, I’ll be able to have this conversation with her. Unfortunately with TTC it’s not always my rational brain in charge!!

How have your friendships & relationships been affected by TTC? What steps have you taken to stay connected?

baby dust to all

LAS

xx

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2 thoughts on “Friendship and TTC

  1. I think for me, the biggest thing, was being open and honest with the people I keep close to me (Strong family relationships, few close friends). We told them when we were trying and about our appointments. Those that wanted more details, I gave it to them without holding back. I think that the only reason I was able to be so open is because another family member went through ttc without telling anyone for 3 years. During those three years she changed a lot in many ways! She would be emotional and angry and then “normal” and back again. Things would trigger her and I wouldn’t understand why! Only AFTER her whole journey, did she open up to our family about her miscarriages. Suddenly, the past 3 years of her life made sense to me! I wish she would have been open about what she was going through so we could understand her and be more empathetic!! That is why my husband and I decided to be open from the get go.

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    1. Thanks for the advice! We are planning on discussing with our family once we get to a year of trying and start the fertility meds.
      I guess at this point we’re still holding out hope that we can surprise our parents with the news!

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