It’s been an eventful month! Since I last posted, we met with our new specialist and decided to just go straight for IVF. In that time, I’ve learned SO much about IVF.
First up, my hormones went absolutely mental. I ended up getting OHSS despite my specialist starting me on a low dose of the injectables which probably didn’t help. I mean, I know we all know that our hormones go crazy each month and turn us alternately into an irrationally angry, sad, excited, frustrated, giggling, sobbing mess. But I have NEVER experienced this kind of hormonal madness before.
One day, I knocked some shoes off a rack in my bedroom and burst into tears. They weren’t thousand dollar shoes falling into a pit of lava. These were a couple of pairs of shoes, falling less than a metre, onto soft carpet. And voila, I became a trainwreck!
My DH is not SUPER patient withother people, but boy oh boy was he patient with me these last couple of weeks. I literally asked him to tell me every day how brave I was being (as he injected me with the needles I couldn’t even look at) #thestruggleisreal.
I also discovered just how many possible ways IVF can go wrong. No wonder most clinics sit around 55% at the highest end of success rates! When we met with the nurse for our interview, she wanted to prepare us for, not even worst case scenarios, just the non-ideal scenarios: OHSS, getting sick during treatment, identifying polyps/cysts/other issues that weren’t on previous ultrasounds, not having enough follicles, not having any eggs retrieved on the day, the eggs retrieved on the day not being mature enough, DH’s sample not being great quality despite previous good results, everything looking good and the eggs still not fertilising, eggs not going to blastocyst stage, blastocysts not implanting…. seriously this list went ON and ON and bloody ON!
With all of those thoughts, I really struggled with staying positive. Sometimes the guilt of needing to be ‘stress-free’ at one of the most stressful times in my life really got to me, it wasn’t a great headspace and I had to constantly focus on the end-goal to keep myself (relatively) sane.
But despite everything, despite all the potential problems and the mood swings, acne, bloating like nothing I’ve ever experienced before (my jeans will fit me again one day, right?) boobs so sore that even putting a tshirt on sets them off…it is so worth it. And, while I’m having a good old whinge about the whole thing, it actually…wasn’t that bad. The needles weren’t painful, I was able to function like a normal human being for most of it, and out of the whole process we ended up with 18 eggs, and 14 beautiful little embryos sitting in the freezer as we speak.
And now I’m looking forward to what I’m going to do over the next month or 2… more on that soon!